There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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