Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
