Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
