Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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