We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
