remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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