His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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