he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
