I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
