you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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