worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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