i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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