Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize