Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
