I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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