....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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