I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize