I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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