Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
