she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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