Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
