The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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