Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
