I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
