hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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