Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
