get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just google imaged poop.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
