....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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