I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
