frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
