she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
