Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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