Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
