My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize