made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
