I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
