That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
