my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
