I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
