Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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