if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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