My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
