He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
