i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
