I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
