Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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