Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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