I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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