I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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