i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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