I think I have vodka in my lungs
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
