You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize