**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i would punch a child for taco bell
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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