What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
