you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
