you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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