I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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