Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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