she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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