I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
